What Do Babies Need?

Recently, my husband & I have been asked whether or not we're planning to register for baby.  The idea had crossed my mind a few times, but I figured it would be best to hold out until we at least knew the gender of our child first.  When the time finally came, and we learned we are having a girl, I decided to give registering a shot.  After all, we've had experience and registering for our wedding was a blast!  I mean you get to pick out a bunch of stuff you want without actually buying it and then someone else gets it for you! (supposedly)  Why wouldn't that be fun?

The trouble is, when you're getting married, you know what you're going to need.  I mean, all you're doing is moving in with each other or getting a new place, if you haven't already.  But who the heck knows what babies need when they've never had one before?!?  Babies are an entirely foreign species to me.  It really baffles me that couples are actually supposed to just know what they're going to need for their baby and then register for it.  I tried really hard.  I mean, of course stores that offer baby registries are going to give you a list of "what you need", but who in their right mind would believe them?  I mean they're obviously just trying to make a sale, so of course they're going to tell you that optional things are "must haves"!  

I'm not a total blooming imbecile or anything.  I do know that babies need things like diapers and car seats, but what about the other stuff?  Do you really need things like mobiles, changing tables and baby bathtubs?  Is it really useful to have seemingly luxury items like diaper genies, baby monitors and vibrating/musical bouncer seats?  And what about the most luxurious of all, a wipe warmer?  Really?  

In order to find out the best way I could think of was to ask people who had recently had babies.  Maybe this option is probably obvious to some, but for me it was a little bumpy for me to get to.  For me, the conversation involving babies to begin with has always been difficult to bear.  Even trying to put aside all my previous feelings on the subject now that I'm expecting is hard!  I still find it somewhat uneasy to bring up the topic of other people's babies, especially if they had them during my infertile period.  That just makes me relive the heartache I felt at the time all over again.  It's also strange because it makes me feel like an ass for not ever knowing anything about their pregnancies until now because I just plain didn't want to know.  I avoided it at all costs to protect myself from the hurt, and most likely they were hurt by my doing so.  But I couldn't help it.  I mean when you step on a nail, you usually avoid walking over boards with obvious protruding nails in them, right?  That's how I avoided pregnant women and women with babies.  I suspect that's probably why I'm in this pickle and have little clue what babies need.

Eventually, I did break down and ask.  After discussing it with my mom and realizing that things babies needed over 30 years ago were a little different from things now, I decided to ask my sister.  She had her first and only child just 4 years ago, so not to discount my mom or anything, but her list was a little more recent.  According to my sister, babies need lots of wipes!  They're not just for soiled bums, she said.  Also, she really liked the little gowns for when they are tiny infants because the PJs with legs just don't fit right and are a pain for diaper changes.  She never had a baby bathtub or a bassinet--he slept with her in bed when he was an infant.  She changed him on top of his dresser rather than using a separate changing table.  She did have a vibrating/musical bouncy chair (because someone gave it to them as a gift) and said it was actually really useful for when she was doing housework or sitting him in while she took a shower.  

Travel System Stroller

Another thing she said was awesome was having what is called a "travel system" stroller/car seat combo.  This way, you can snap your baby's carrier from the car seat to the stroller and it even attaches easily to things like grocery carts and highchairs.  Then when they baby is older, you can just use the stroller without the carrier, so they grow with it.  That seemed like a good idea to me.  

One thing that I figure is that all parents are different, and all babies are different, so really, you don't know what you'll need until after the baby is already here.  All we can do is be as prepared as we know how and then adjust to any additional needs afterward.  So, we did our best to register for what we thought we might need, and of course added a few things that we just thought were flippin adorable, like yellow duckie stuff.  I surprised myself by falling in love with little duckie and chickie things.  They're so adorable.  

Lavender Gingham Bedding

Yellow Gingham Bedding

I also found the perfect bedding for my daughter's crib.  So many are frilly and flowery and busy, and I hated that.  I wanted something simpler and I didn't want the over-used pink!  I decided that I wanted her nursery colors to be yellow, lavender and dark brown.  Little did I know this was a tall order.  I didn't realize how difficult it would be to find yellow and purple things!   Luckily, the bedding I finally found matched my idea perfectly.  It's a set that comes in a simple gingham yellow as well as gingham lavender, so I opted to mix and match the two sets together.  All the stores we registered at carried these sets, so I picked the least expensive of them for our registries.  The problem I ran into is that they are quickly going out of stock in all the stores, and it doesn't look as though they're getting them back in!  I'm so bummed because there just isn't anything else out there that even remotely compares to these!  I'm really sad that the cute yellow mobile I found that matches the set is out of stock already and I can't find a lavender one either.  :(  Something I've discovered since starting our baby registers about a month ago is that if you register too early, be prepared for everything to go out of stock and become unavailable.  Half the stuff I registered for a month ago has been taken off my registry because of this, and it's really really annoying because I worked really hard getting everything I needed from three different stores!

Really Cute Yellow Gingham Mobile that's OUT OF STOCK!!!

Another thing I did while registering was make sure to read the countless comments left by other parents who'd bought various baby products and learned valuable lessons from them in the quality of things like cribs, strollers, and even breast pumps, etc.  We went to Target, Walmart & Babies R Us since any one store didn't have everything, and weren't always the best prices.  Yes, even shopping for things I likely won't be paying for, I still compare prices because I don't want to make other people pay unnecessary amounts of money for us.  

It was clear to me from the beginning that even though we're not wealthy, I wanted to use as many natural and organic products as possible for our baby to avoid subjecting her to all the harsh chemicals used in things nowadays.  I recently learned from my sister (who learned in her child development class) that a huge suspect of SIDS is the use of flame retardant sprays on baby crib mattresses that releases a toxic gas as babies sleep.  A study done in New Zealand showed that after properly wrapping baby's mattresses, there were zero deaths due to SIDS compared to the hundreds of deaths prior to that.  That's enough to get my attention, so I plan to make sure my baby's bed is safe.  Yeah, I know that thousands of babies have survived without having protected mattresses, but some have also died and why would I take that chance with this baby, whom I never thought I would get the luxury to have in the first place?  Exactly.  So, in the literature my sister sent me is a website where you can purchase the special mattress cover from NZ for about $40, because it is not yet available in the USA.  Either that or you could buy a totally organic/chemical free mattress for over $300.  Not having that kind of money, I am happy for the mattress cover option.  If anyone is interested, this website is: http://www.prevent-sids.org/

The whole registering for baby thing has really opened my eyes to life with a baby.  It's insane how much junk babies need and further more, how many big decisions--even some slightly controversial ones--you have to make.  Like I'm sure many people think we're being snobs for wanting to have chemical free diapers and organic bedding and clothes.  I know I can't afford to totally go organic, but the least amount of chemicals and allergens I have to introduce to my newborn, the better.  I'm not all business when it comes to baby shopping.  I mean, who can be?  It's fun!  I get to develop a nursery theme and pick out colors.  I find myself gravitating towards things I had when I was little and loved.  Like certain nostalgic toys and little kid books.  I'm so excited because having a kid means I get to enjoy those things all over again.  So, even though it's slightly daunting and downright frightening sometimes, shopping for baby is so awesome and I can't believe I finally get to do it.  :)

The Handicap of Pregnancy

Okay, I don't want to come off sounding like a selfish bitch or anything like that, because I'm so not.  But there are things that push me over the edge when it comes to the handicaps of pregnancy...

Let me first explain what I mean by handicaps.  You see, being pregnant, I've suddenly discovered that there are a world of new things I want to do in preparation of my baby's arrival.  They are things I would have never even thought to do prior to being pregnant--especially in my infertile state where even the very slightest thoughts of baby stuff made me depressed.  I want to clean out my house out and scrub it from top to bottom.  I can't.  The amount of chemicals and heavy lifting that requires could cause brain damage and enormous stress on my unborn child.  I'd like to paint my baby's room, I want to strip and refinish my old heirloom furniture for my little girl to use, but again, I can't.  The chemicals required are way too dangerous and toxic for me to breathe while I'm pregnant.  It could cause birth defects, or worse.  So, of course me being unemployed, I'm anxious to be doing pretty much anything I can in preparation for my daughter's arrival, but I am forced to wait for help.

Here's where it gets difficult.  I live in a small town and don't have friends nearby.  My grandparents live a couple minutes away.  They're both retired, but have plenty of things to keep themselves busy with, plus a lot of health problems.  Even though my grandpa is a handy and selfless kind of man and loves to help out with various friends and family's projects, I just feel bad about asking him for too much help because he's really not getting any younger and I hate to work him too much.  I'd rather have him around to enjoy his great granddaughter a little longer, you know?  

The only other family around is my parents and brother who live about 20-30 minutes away in the next town.  My dad is the sole bread winner of that household and works long nights as an RN, full time.  When he's not working or sleeping, he's kept busy doing things for my mom and taking care of their huge acres of property, gardening, taking care of the animals, and various house projects of their own.  This is all because my mother has been disabled from Post Polio Syndrome for several years now.  She was an RN too, but can't work anymore due to her loss in body function.  She can't walk good and gets fatigued almost constantly, so if she gets anything done around the house, she thinks it's a miracle.  

Then there's my brother.  I need an entire novel to explain my brother, I think.  He just turned 33, lives in my parent's attic in a two bedroom, one bath, living room and make-shift kitchen flat.  He doesn't have a job.  He's not going to school anymore and as far as I know, doesn't have any plans for either one.  Over the last ten years or so, he's gradually become the worst picture of health you could ever imagine.  He has claimed to have developed well over a dozen allergies, health conditions and diseases alike that I can't even remember correctly.  Most of these determine how he lives his life and has caused him to become secluded and unsocial and develop many strange habits.  However, growing up, my brother and I were practically inseparable.  We were like twins because even though he was a year older, we started school together in the same grade, went through 12 years together and graduated at the same time.  We were very close even after graduation.  But things changed, and I'll never really know why, I don't think.  But he changed a lot.  I still try to remain close with him and it always slams back at me.

A couple weeks ago, I decided to ask my brother if he would help me work on the furniture.  I figure he isn't tied down with a job.  I don't otherwise get to spend time with him anyway, and what better way to spend time with him, I thought?  But he told me he had too many appointments that day.  I was a little bummed, but I wasn't upset with him.  It isn't uncommon for him to tell me about all the things he has to do and what not.  He likes to keep a schedule and hates to stray from that.  Long story short, I was accused of being harsh and expecting him to do things for me at the drop of a hat.  He accused me of treating him like a vacuum cleaner, only dragging him out when I needed him and then shoving him back in the closet.  I was totally appalled at this accusation, of course, and it really hit me hard.  Suddenly I realized what a sad relationship I had with my only brother.  I couldn't believe he really thought that about me and I felt completely hurt.

Forgive me for thinking this, but for some reason I always believed that family was supposed to be your biggest ally.  I thought they were there to help you in your time of need and vice versa.  Why else do we even relate with each other if not for support?  I've never thought of myself as a selfish person.  I despise selfishness!  I think it's totally immature and I can't stand anyone who gives off that selfish vibe to me.  It repels me like the smell of dead fish.  I have a soft spot for sensing people's feelings and always kinda thought that was a curse because it kept me from doing things for myself that I wanted rather than doing things that other people wanted.  For some reason, I've always felt more comfortable doing what other people wanted to do rather than what I wanted because then I wouldn't feel like I was subjecting them all to do something they didn't want to do.  My needs sort of fall on the back burner when it comes to other people's feelings.  I like to help other people.  It makes me feel good.  So, when someone as close to me as my own brother accuses me of being selfish, it's like a stab in the heart.  I shouldn't have to go off on a tangent singing my own sad song about my crappy life to him.  He should know all that.  And he should know I'm not the kind of person he's accusing me of being.  The fact that he doesn't makes me think we're not as close as I thought.

Anyway, I didn't mean for this entire blog to be about my brother.  It just really hurt me because up to this point, he's been so openly excited about the prospect of having a niece.  Now he hates me because he thinks I treat him like a vacuum cleaner.  All I was doing was asking him if he could help me refinish the furniture for my daughter.  The funny thing is, if I could, I wouldn't ask anyone for help.  I'd gladly do it all myself!  I mean, I actually love doing projects.  I've found since we got our own home that doing home projects is really satisfying and fun!  The problem is just that being pregnant puts a pretty big damper on those kinds of things.  People might think I'm overreacting, but you tell me if it took you 8 years to get pregnant, wouldn't you maybe be a little more careful than the average pregnant woman?  I'm gonna go ahead and say yes, because that's where I'm at.

So, since my brother was kind enough to point it out to me, I just wanted to apologize to anyone else that I've made feel used and unappreciated.  I was just happy that I'm finally able to do all the cool parent things I've longed to do for so many years, and thought others might enjoy helping me prepare since they've been waiting with me.  I thought people would be glad to see me come out of my shell of depression and be excited about getting ready for baby.  I hope that you know enough about me to know that I'm not a self-centered person and that I've helped you numerous times before, and not only that but I enjoy doing it.  Forgive me if I think that sometimes the people you help are supposed to return the favor every once in a blue moon.  

This post is dedicated to my dad who literally goes out of his way to help people and always finds time in his insanely busy schedule to fit me in.  He spent an hour one day stripping the old paint off my baby dresser and has plans to help me finish it soon--as soon as it quits raining every day.  Thanks, Dad!  I don't tell you nearly enough, but I love you. 

Pregnant or Just Fat?

JANUARY - 3 months

FEBRUARY - 4 months

MARCH - 5 months

Okay, here's the thing.  I was never, in my memory, an extremely thin person except when I was like 13.  I've always had some sort of a poochy belly I could never seem to rid myself of, but before getting pregnant, I was not overweight.  In fact, I was probably the fittest I've been in my adult life so far, floating around in the lower 140 lb range.  

It's interesting to note that as soon as you get pregnant, you begin to gain weight.  It's not much to begin with, maybe 2-5 pounds or so, but you notice it.  I certainly did.  Even before I knew I was pregnant I'd tell my husband "I feel fat" all the time.  It's kind of like the bloated feeling you get when your period starts, except that feeling never goes away.  And actually, from what I've read, that's exactly what is going on with your body during those early pregnancy weeks.  Your baby might not be much bigger than a blueberry, but you are gaining water weight like there's no tomorrow.  

When I first noticed my baby bump, I know it was only myself that could tell it was more than a fat pooch.  Not even my husband really noticed it until I made him feel it.  The fact that it was hard like a rubber ball rather than squishy like a fat blob made it really obvious to me that it was my swelling uterus.  Plus, in the beginning, the bump was sort of lopsided!  It protruded mostly on the right side, which I found really funny.  Even our ultrasound tech laughed that she was hanging out over there mostly.  That has evened out now.  Now I can feel her moving all over my belly all the way to the top of my belly button area, whereas before I only felt her flutters very low down near my bladder area.  

See, I feel like I have to explain this because of the fact that so many people told me I didn't look pregnant yet, only that I might have gained a few pounds or something.  This of course is rather offensive to hear when you know that you are pregnant, and the weight you've gained is all entirely due to that fact.  People tend to think that when you gain weight during pregnancy, it's only baby weight in your belly when in fact it is all over your body.  Naturally, you are going to look somewhat pudgy before your belly starts to protrude more prominently.  In the first half of the pregnancy, your baby is concentrating on developing into a little human being rather than growing much, so your body prepares it's self for this accordingly by pumping more blood and requiring more food and water from you.  It's a huge deal on your body to create another human being!  I had no idea this was the case myself when I first got pregnant.  I really was worried about the rate of weight gain going on.  The fact that my jeans didn't fit after only 3 months along, I freaked, but my doctor always reassured me at my prenatal exams that my weight was right on track!

So, on the one hand I had people telling me I didn't look pregnant yet, and the other were the people who say I look downright huge and say things like "Wow, you're big!  Are you sure it's not twins?!"  Yeah, another thoughtless blow to a pregnant woman.  So this is my advise:  understand that pregnant women are going through a huge change in their bodies.  Not only is this physically difficult, but it is psychologically difficult as well because her image is changing at a dramatic rate.  Do her a favor and stop pointing out the obvious: her weight gain.  Instead, tell her she looks beautiful.  There is no better compliment to an image conscious pregnant woman than that.  And what pregnant woman isn't conscious of her image?

Bad Case of Pregnancy Brain

Another strange symptom of pregnancy, I've learned, is something called "pregnancy brain", meaning that while pregnant, you are more than likely to experience a general absentmindedness.  This is said to be due to the fact that not as much blood gets to your brain as usual because of all the work your body is doing for your developing fetus. 

When I first read about this possible symptom I laughed it off, not believing I would experience such a thing.  I've always had what I considered a strong memory and awareness and found it strange that other people didn't remember things as detailed as I did.  But I have since proved myself wrong....really wrong.

On our refrigerator is a print out from my clinic of all my doctor appointments from the beginning of my pregnancy to the end.  As they occur, I cross them off and wait for the next.  One of the appointments wasn't to my OB, it was for my Endocrinologist whom I went to see way back before our IVF cycle when one of my many mandatory blood tests came back abnormal.  My Thyroid was off, which is a big deal when you are trying to get pregnant, so my doctor referred me to the Endocrinologist.  I experienced hot flashes and various strange symptoms because of it and she felt it might've been because of the Iodine supplements I had taken a while back from my acupuncturist who thought I needed it.  Apparently Iodine stays in your system several months after you last take them and my doctor told me they do more harm than good because it is much too concentrated.  Therefore, it was probably what threw my thyroid off.  She diagnosed me with "thyroiditis", a temporary condition where the thyroid is thrown off for one reason or another, and she wanted to monitor it to make sure it corrected it's self--which it did--and then keep checking periodically to make sure it didn't return.  Plus, she warned me that if I became pregnant that I needed to call her right away because pregnancy also has a tendancy to mess with the thyroid, so I did.  

Here's where my pregnancy brain comes into play.  The day of my Endocrinologist appointment, I dropped my husband off at work after his lunch at 1pm, then drove straight to my clinic.  Upon arrival, I looked at the clock in my car and balked at the fact that I was over an hour early!  They like you to be there early to fill out paperwork, etc, but that's only about ten minutes early, so what on earth was I going to do for an hour?  I was mildly perplexed about this because I thought for sure I had thought this out perfectly.  Deciding not to leave, since I didn't have anywhere else to go, I just sat there and listened to music in the car until about ten to the hour.  After that, I figured I'll just go in early and fill out the paperwork, pay my co-pay and wait just in case there's a chance I could see the doctor earlier.  When I checked in, the girl behind the desk hesitated, then got up from her chair to walk in the back.  "Okay, I'll have to see if she can still see you because your appointment was at 1:20."  I nodded, confused by her reaction and was about to tell her I was early when I happened to look up at a clock on the wall and saw that it read ten minutes to TWO!?!  WHAT!  Then it dawned on me what had just happened.  Two days prior was the daylight saving time change and we had yet to change the clock in the car.  Admiting this fault, I laughed rather embarrassed and the girl said she'd see if they could squeeze me in.  A few minutes later, a nurse came out and asked me a strange question.  She wanted to know if I had taken the blood test I was supposed to take a few days before this appointment.  I looked at her and shook my head no.  If I hadn't felt it before, I certainly felt now that I was a total basket case.  Six months ago, I was given a lab sheet and specific instructions that about 3 days before my next appointment I was to get a blood test to check my thyroid again and my doctor would go over the results at my appointment.  Obviously, if I couldn't even remember the time change two days ago, how was I going to remember a blood test I was last reminded about six months prior?!  

Eventually, they worked it out that I should go over to the lab that day and get the blood draw, then come back a couple days later on Thursday to see the doctor.  They rescheduled me and I got the blood draw.  Feeling like a total imbicile, I drove home.  

Two days later was Thursday, which so happened to be St. Patrick's Day--also known in my family as my brother's birthday.  It was a fairly important day and I had a doctor appointment at 1pm which I vowed I would not mess up this time.  Everything went smoothly this time when I showed up at the clinic early in plenty of time to fill out my paperwork, be evaluated by the nurse and then finally saw my doctor.  My thyroid is fine, which I suspected to begin with.  When you have thyroid issues, most of the symptoms make it fairly clear that something is wrong with you and you'll know.  Having felt it before, I knew all was well, but better safe than sorry, I went along with what my doctor wanted.  After all, this isn't just for my health and safety, it's for my daughter's.

After my appointment, I had planned to drive straight out to my parent's house about 20 minutes away to help my mom with my brother's birthday dinner, but knew that I had to get gas somewhere because the car was nearly empty.  So, I backtracked a ways back into town to the 76 station I usually go to and began pumping the fuel into my car.  For some reason, the pump wouldn't stay on and kept popping off like it was done when I knew it couldn't be, so I ended up having to hold the stupid thing until it actually finished.  That was irritating because it cost me some valuable time, but I eventually got back on the road and headed out of town on the way to my mom's again.  Seeing a Starbucks up the road, I debated whether or not to stop.  Thirsty after my clinic and gas station ordeal, I thought I might as well grab a drink since I still had a bit of a drive to go and I got myself an iced (decaff) coffee for the road and went on my way.  

On the 4-lane highway heading out of town, a cop passed me.  I didn't flinch, of course, because they are everywhere in our little town and I had nothing to fear.  I wasn't doing anything wrong.  We came to a stoplight.  Two cars were in front of me in the right lane and the cop was at the front of the line in the left lane.  After the light turned green, the cop pulled back into the right lane in front of me and then slowed to pull off the road.  I thought that was weird, but then thought it was even weirder when he pulled right out behind me again and began to follow me.  Still, though, I didn't think much of it until his lights went on.  Then I just got irritated with him because I thought now he wanted to get passed me and I was in his way.  Still never thought I had done anything wrong, so I dutifully pulled over to let him pass and he pulled up behind me.  What the heck?  I started wondering what I could have possibly done and knew I hadn't done anything illegal.  I was certainly not speeding.  In fact, I'd been following a very slow van down a normally 55mph highway at speeds no more than 40-45.  As always, I was wearing my seatbelt, I was not on my cell phone, and even though my dog was with me, he was secured in the back of the Jeep behind a gate.  I started wondering if maybe one of my blinker or brake lights were out and he was stopping me to let me know.  That's all that I could possibly imagine he was doing.  

So, when the cop told me he stopped me because my tabs were expired, my jaw dropped. What was he talking about?  Since when did my husband ever forget to renew the car registration?  Obviously, the cop didn't know my meticulous husband!  If he knew the car tabs OR insurance were even close to expiring, he wouldn't drive or let me drive the cars until they were renewed.  He never let them lapse--ever!  The officer then proceeded to tell me that not only was it expired, but it had expired back in November of 2010!  Now I knew something was wrong.  How could that be?  I thought back on when Mike had renewed the tabs for our other car and thought that perhaps he had actually gotten them mixed up with this car and put them on the wrong car!!  I started to panic and wanted to call him, but just grabbed for the registration and insurance paperwork in the glovebox.  Total confusion fell over me when I noticed that not just the registration had expired, the insurance wasn't current either!  Are you kidding me?!?!  Now I knew our insurance was current because I'm the one that pays the bills in the marriage and I know I sent the email to Mike with our new insurance cards attached.  Had he actually forgotten to print them out?!?  I began to think that maybe he put the new papers somewhere else, but I could not figure out where in the car they could be.  

So, sadly, I ended up with an infraction for driving without proof of current liability insurance and a warning for the expired tabs.  I now have to go to court.  If I could not prove we had insurance coverage before the date of my ticket, I would end up having to pay a $550 fine!  Flustered, I drove away thinking he had given me a ticket for the tabs and warned me about the insurance (which actually was the other way around), therefore I was sure we'd end up having to pay unless for some odd reason Mike had actually purchased the renewed registration and mistakenly put the tabs on the wrong car.  I didn't think this was very likely, but then again I didn't think any of this was likely!  After talking it over with my husband at work, I learned he in fact did forget to renew the tabs as well as to print out the new insurance cards and was profoundly apologetic.  He blamed himself entirely (which made me feel slightly better) then walked me through reading the ticket and discovered it was the insurance we would have to prove current, not the tabs.  Luck was actually on my side that day, even though it didn't seem like it, because we DO have current car insurance!  We just forgot to print out the current insurance cards last month.  

Forgive our pregnant brains, because it seems that not only do the pregnant moms get "pregnancy brain", but I've discovered the fathers do, too!  I have a court date next Thursday at 4:20pm to contest my infraction and prove we did and do have current car insurance.  Let's hope I do NOT miss that appointment, lest I end up having to pay an amount of money that we most certainly don't have.

Vegan Pregnancy & A Vegan Baby

Since my infertile years, people have questioned me about my diet and the likelihood that it was the reason for my inability to conceive.  "Do you think that your health problems come from being vegan?  Maybe you're not getting enough nutrients!" they'd say.  Of course I never even once believed that could be true.  PCOS and Endometriosis are among, if not the top reasons for infertility among women in the US.  That simple fact completely eliminates the idea that my vegan diet is at fault because veganism is not that common.  Not everyone with those health conditions are vegan.  I'll agree that maybe it has to do with diet, because most health conditions do, but not specifically a vegan one, just an unbalanced one.  

Even my doctors questioned my vegan diet, and that was always funny because since when do doctors care what you eat?  The form of nutrition training they have up their sleeves is the same kind of BS everyone else is fed from infancy in this country.  By no means is it from any higher education training--especially not medical school.  Not that I'm trying to discount medical professionals (not only have I relied on them for years regarding my infertility, I've been one) but Medical Doctors (MDs) are trained primarily in medicines and their treatment on disease, not diet and nutrition, of which I strongly believe is the cure to most every health condition and disease there is.  I know you don't believe me, but don't be too quick to judge.  I certainly wasn't.  It took years of reading and learning for me to come to this realization.  I don't expect others to accept it overnight.

Anyway, it bothered me to no end that people couldn't quit blaming my lifestyle choice as the reason for my infertility.  I knew there were hundreds if not thousands of other vegan couples who had successfully had children, but none of which I knew personally, so I couldn't prove it to anyone except to tell them to do their research.  I wanted them to know that quite honestly, my vegan diet was actually a step in the right direction rather than a cause of my infertility!  You see, I had been trying to get pregnant for 8 long years.  I hadn't been a vegan that whole time.  I was a vegetarian since birth, but vegetarians only choose not to eat animals.  Most vegetarians, while not eating meat, rely heavily on animal products such as dairy & eggs which in my understanding do the same thing to your body as animal flesh.  It's merely a by-product.  So, for over 25 years, I had been filling my body with animal products and slowly developing hormone imbalance health conditions which I believe strongly were caused directly by the animal protein. 

Now, I'm no good at lectures.  I don't like to make people feel uncomfortable or inferior or anything.  I have been made to feel that way in the past, and I know it only makes you feel defensive.  I just want people to understand that being vegan shouldn't be viewed as such an extreme freakish lifestyle.  Vegans are thoughtful and compassionate human beings.  The world through vegan eyes is horribly misguided.  It actually makes me angry to feel that we are all brainwashed from infancy to believe that animal products are good for us and will make us strong and healthy.  Not only that but if we don't get animal products in our body, we'll suffer!  I feel deceived by our country.  They should know better!  There has been so much research by scientists and doctors who dedicate their lives to making a difference and a breakthrough on diet vs. disease and their findings are literally dismissed.  I know it's unbelievable, but it's happening, and it has been happening for decades.  Why?  It's simple:  disease = money.  The head honchos don't want to say that simply eating differently will cure you of your cancer/heart disease/high blood pressure/diabetes, etc.  They won't make any money!  So they simply say more research needs to be done because it can't possibly be that easy.  Did you know that it's the dairy industry that pushes it's phony catch phrases onto the public and our children via elementary schools?  They develop entire lessons for teachers on how important it is to have dairy products for calcium.  They are not nutritionists, they are advertisers!  Just like any other company, they are pushing their product!  And the meat and dairy industries are so good at it because they're wealthy.  They've been doing it for so many years, it's just accepted as common sense.  Everyone now believes that a human being cannot live without dairy products.  Meat industries are less effective in their push for the needs of animal protein than the dairy industry is with pushing the need for cows milk.  Got Milk?  People are actually downright scared when they hear you don't consume any milk!

C A L M  D O W N !!!  Take a deep breath.  Easy.  That's it.  Here's my question to you:  If you believe that humans can't live without animal products, consider this thought.  Since it's been scientifically proven that cows produce superior amounts of calcium in their milk, and the cows themselves are packed with complete protein, given the fact that cows are in fact vegan creatures--think about it now--where do you think the cow gets those vital nutrients???  PLANTS!  Humans were not designed to suck cows milk out from under a cows utter.  Not even cows drink cows milk once they're weaned from their mothers.  Would you still like to suckle from your mother's breast?  More importantly, do you think you need to?  Of course not.  Besides, that would be torture on your mother's body if she had to continue lactating her entire life!  Yet in order to produce enough milk for the entire human population in America, that's exactly what we're doing to the cows.  In order to make them lactate, they have to become pregnant, then in order to use her milk production for human consumption, they have to take her baby away and stimulate the mother with painful amounts of hormones to up her milk production to abnormal proportions (more milk = more money per cow).  So what happens to her baby?  Depending on it's gender and their need, it's sold to another company tortured and then killed for the horrifying production of Veal.  This is a money making business, after all.  

The entire business of raising animals for the production of food is a terrifying one.  It's one that has gone so far out of control with cruelty and exploitation, to the point of threatening the destruction of Earth that it's beyond anyone's comprehension.  We are fishing the oceans dry and farming the earth to death, plowing down natural habitats for wild animals, forests and plants that most people don't even realize the immense importance of.  And it's all for the production of animal products for human consumption. 

(By the way, if you're having a hard time recognizing the importance of animals and the balance of every life on earth, I highly recommend watching David Attenborough's The Life Series & The Blue Planet by BBC.  Awesome and inspiring views of almost every living thing there is and their connection to the creation and maintaining of every life on earth.  Mike & I love watching them)!

Anyway, truth is, our fresh water supply is being used faster than it can be produced because of these excess animal farms and the amount of water it takes to stay in business.  Run off from animal farms pour into neighboring vegetable farms, contaminating the produce and causing uprisings of disease to spread throughout the innocent harvests.  Then people freak out and point fingers at vegetables for making them sick, like the big spinach scare a few years back.  Where do diseases like E coli come from?  Escherichia coli (E. coli) are members of a large group of bacterial germs that inhabit the intestinal tract of humans and other warm-blooded animals.  Consumption of any food or beverage that becomes contaminated by animal (especially cattle) manure can result in contracting the disease.  General population is being sheltered from the truth.  Most people have no idea what this kind of animal production is doing to their world.  If this is true, why isn't it more widely accepted as such, you wonder?  Governments and corporations don't want to cause panic and tend to dismiss those who try to stand up and make a difference.  

A few awesome, life changing books that highlight this problem in the country are The China Study by T. Colin Campbell, Diet for a New America & The Food Revolution both by John Robbins.  There are many more sources of reference on this subject, but these are among my favorites, since they were the first books I'd read detailing this particular subject.  Another excellent source comes in video form called A Diet for All Reasons by Dr. Michael Klaper.

So, it's not just animal cruelty and exploitation that made me decide to become vegan.  For some reason, that just wasn't enough to make me change my habits.  Humans, as you probably know, are creatures of habit and no one wants to be made to feel like a fool.  That is something you must overcome when making a change of a lifetime like this.  You have to understand that it is no fault of your own that the world influenced you the way it did.  We were all taught from childhood that this was the way of the world and you don't question facts.  People become angry at vegans who try to explain why they have chosen this diet because they suddenly feel as though they are looked upon as a careless ass, like they don't care about the environment, their health or the way animals are treated.  And the truth is, they don't want to believe they're wrong, because they don't want to change.  

I became vegan because I finally learned that the consumption of animal products is detrimental to human health.  And not just that it's bad for you, but it's lethal.  Alzheimer's, Arthritis, Osteoporosis, Diabetes, Obesity, Heart Disease, High Blood Pressure, Cancer; none of these are caused simply by old age.  They are caused by disease.  You can argue as long as you want about that, but you can't argue the fact that all of the above conditions are caused by nutritional imbalances and cholesterol.  It's scientific fact, right?  High cholesterol is a huge problem.  Cholesterol in the arteries causes high blood pressure and blockages.  Cholesterol in the brain causes a gradual plaque build up eventually leading to memory loss and eventually death.  And cholesterol, my friends, is only found in animal products.  Bones are sucked dry of their calcium when you eat too much animal products, the complete opposite of what you are taught to believe about it, and this almost always leads to debilitating conditions like arthritis and osteoporosis.  Again, I'm not a scientist, so I can't go into detail about why or how this happens, I just learned that it does and when you think about it long enough, it begins to make perfect sense.  Especially when you learn that once people give up their animal products, they begin to heal and eventually even cure their once life threatening diseases.  

I am vegan because I care about the health of this planet and everyone on it.  It makes me feel connected to every living thing in the natural circle of life and I love that.  There are many factors in the cause of infertility, I know that more than most people, I think!  But I didn't have it easy.  I didn't have blocked fallopian tubes or poor quality eggs, nor did my husband shoot blanks.  What I had was dubbed "unexplained infertility" by my doctors.  I had a hormone imbalance.  But there were several other factors.  Stress is one of those huge factors, and once you have complete balance in your life and let yourself trust in nature (more easily explained as not stressing out over everything and just letting it be), you will find yourself.  Infertility causes inner panic which is enormously stressful, so instead of helping you overcome your cause of infertility, you are actually adding more cause to it.

Now that I am pregnant, I eat better than I've ever eaten in my life.  I buy everything I can organically.  I eat whole grains and have nearly eliminated refined grains like white flour that do nothing but harm (it's about as healthy as Kleenex).  I make sure to eat raw fruit or vegetables with every meal so that I can get the benefit of enzymes only present in raw food that actually digest your food.  And on top of that, I take a vegan whole-food prenatal vitamin just to catch any inconsistencies I might have in my diet, ensure the health of my baby, and of course to make my doctor happy!  At every prenatal exam, my doctor is positive about my progress and tells me everything is going better than great.  My baby's heartbeat is always strong, my uterus is growing at an ideal rate and my weight gain is perfect.  I couldn't have a more ideal pregnancy in his eyes.  In the beginning, I told him I was vegan and, just like most people, he was concerned about my protein intake.  I ensured him that I got plenty through things like soy, other beans and vegetables and he never questioned me again, especially since he could see that I was doing exceptionally well in my pregnancy.  I am happy to say that I finally succeeded at growing a strong healthy baby in my vegan uterus.  This little baby is like my proof and validates that I'm doing the right thing.  Whenever people question me now, I just shrug and shake my head.  I don't think I have to say anything to prove I'm not depriving my body or my baby of vital nutrients.  In fact, I'm ensuring that she has everything she needs to start out her life strong.  In no way am I delusional that nothing could happen to my baby even still, but I can feel reassured that I'm doing everything in my power to help her.  

Yes, once she's born, she will continue to be raised vegan.  And just to clear the confusion (because there seems to be a lot of it out there), breastfeeding does not mean a baby is not vegan.  Human breast milk is made for human babies, so just as she received nutrition from me in the womb, she'll continue to receive through breastfeeding when she is born.  As she grows, my husband and I will share with her with the knowledge she needs to continue living healthfully throughout her life.  It will be hard going against the beliefs of the general population, but I know it can be done.  It empowers you as an individual and helps you focus on truths, not just blindly following what everyone else is doing.  I don't want people to think we are depriving our daughter of anything.  I actually feel that the general population of children, including myself, were the deprived ones.  Not just deprived but deceived.  We are opening our daughters eyes to a huge world and feel that teaching her to have compassion for the earth, respect for the natural ways of life and all it's living creatures will be the biggest, most important thing we can teach her about life.  I know it will be challenging, but believe me, I'm used to being challenged and it isn't necessarily a bad thing to teach a child to be too.  Of course I wish society was more accepting of vegans, and we had "convenience" that others do, but the truth is, veganism is getting to be more popular of a lifestyle decision, and is more openly accepted than when I was little.  Even being vegetarian when I was a kid was difficult.  So, hopefully the world will be easier on our daughter, especially if we get out of this small conservative town in the middle of Nowhereville!  HAhahahahaahahahah.... I still dream big. :)