Mandating Vaccinations & Losing Rights

I have never fully come out and publicly talked about the fact that I have chosen not to vaccinate. People think I'm crazy enough because I'm vegan, I make my own soaps, I prefer organic foods and naturopathic medicine, I breastfed up to 3 years, bed share with my daughter, and I've recently chosen to have a home birth with my second child. Take me back to the awesome 70's and I'm a freaking hippy, minus the recreational drugs part. Oh, and I do shave. But the thing is, no matter how loony that makes me seem, they're still my own decisions, and no one can take them from me. Bring vaccine choice into the conversation, and you'd better pull out your armor because the world is going to attack you.

It never ceases to amaze me how many people suddenly have an opinion over vaccinations, and how they can do so when they honestly know nothing but what they've been told by their doctors and the media. I see through this because what they don't realize is that I was once one of them. I remember thinking--believing by default that of course vaccines are safe! Why would they ever agree to inject millions of little babies in this country on a recommended pediatric set schedule if they weren't? I thought it would be obvious if children were reacting to vaccines negatively, so how could they ever hide that fact? So of course vaccines are safe! They say they are, and doctors back that up. They say vaccines are responsible for the massive decline of disease in this country, and without them we'd still be rampant with epidemics and devastating deaths tolls. They say that vaccines create herd immunity, and that without compliance of everyone vaccinating, we are less able to protect one another against disease. This is why everyone must be vaccinated. It's a public health issue. Behold the reason everyone jumps down your throat if you mention that you believe in vaccine choice. It's for the greater good.

But has anyone ever stopped to ask themselves why they blindly follow the belief that vaccines are so miraculous and safe? Have you ever looked into it farther than asking your child's pediatrician some questions that he/she is most likely to respond with pharmaceutical propaganda? I did. I read into it first with "neutral" books on the subject, read lists of their extremely questionable, controversial and toxic ingredients, then read books written by scientists and doctors who oppose vaccines so I could see their opinions, then I searched more by scouring the internet for reputable resources such as the CDC website, VAERS (a public vaccine injury reporting system), and vaccine package inserts. I read extensively about immunology, and the history of vaccines, as well as the diseases they are made to prevent, and found surprising information destroying the claims that vaccines caused a major decline and even eradicated diseases. Charts of the diseases actually show a massive, steady decline years prior to the invention of the vaccines themselves, and nothing about the decline changed with it's introduction. How they can claim vaccines the savior is beyond me when the more obvious changes taking place throughout the entire decline of disease was in our sanitation practices. I then looked up vaccine efficacy studies like mad, only to discover they are nearly all totally biased, funded by the manufacturers, and completely useless on any scientific level I would expect of a product like mass vaccines. No vaccine is tested with a placebo, like saline solution injections, as one would expect. They're tested with another vaccine or adjuvent, and how can one accurately tell any outcome that way? When both vaccines produce the same effect, even if it's negative, the vaccine is deemed "perfectly safe". Because the reaction occurred with both vaccines, it can be concluded that the vaccine being tested couldn't possibly be the culprit. What's more, is that none of the vaccines on the current recommended schedule today have ever been tested jointly to see how they react together in the recommended schedule for safety. The most shocking thing about the vaccine industry that I've come across yet, is the fact that the manufacturers themselves have been granted total immunity from law suits. If you want to sue the manufacturer for causing you or your child injury from their vaccines, you are out of luck, because they aren't liable. A completely separate vaccine court was created to deal with vaccine injuries and deaths in which if they are not able to write it off as something else, and the evidence makes it clear that the vaccine indeed caused the damage, they will reward the the patient with taxpayers money, not their own. See, whenever you get a vaccine, they tax that vaccine and pool the tax money together for paying out vaccine damage rewards in the vaccine court. In this way, the manufacturers are off the hook, and you are actually paying for your own child's injury. Anyone who doesn't see why this is a terrible idea needs to read on. Without being liable for their products, vaccine manufacturers have very little incentive to create honestly safe and effective products. Knowing that, would you then sacrifice your child to them for "the greater good"? 

The mass cover up that is happening on a grand scale today on account of that law suit immunity and biased safety studies is criminal. Children are being injured much more than is being allowed to leak into the media. It has become a battle between parents and the medical system. Even with things like SIDS, Encephalitis, and neurological damages being listed as possible reactions on vaccine manufacturer package inserts, the medical establishment as a whole does not want to recognize these things as being caused by vaccines. Even vaccine preventable diseases themselves, when contracted, even though they've already been vaccinated, are written off as "side effects" of the vaccine, or touted as "not as bad as it would've been if you didn't get the vaccine". Herd immunity is the biggest load of hogwash I've ever heard of. The idea is that if the majority are vaccinated, then the population is protected against the spread of disease. The problem with this is that in order for that to even begin to make sense, the vaccine has to actually work. What we constantly see is that whenever there is an outbreak of a "vaccine preventable disease" (VPD), it isn't only the unvaccinated people who are catching it, but masses of vaccinated people are getting sick too. This can only mean one thing: the vaccine was ineffective. The other huge reason I don't believe in the herd immunity theory is due to the fact that live vaccines, when administered, shed the virus for two or more weeks following vaccination. Translation: vaccinated people are contagious. They can carry asymptomatic viruses and spread them to the population, and as explained above, even to other fully vaccinated people. The efficacy is certainly questionable, but the thing vaccines definitely can do, is damage. 

I read a study from another country that was done many years ago on a breathing monitor that you place into baby cribs that was designed to detect abnormal breathing in infants in order to prevent SIDS. In examining the results of their various studies, they came across a pattern of stressed or abnormal breathing that coincided perfectly with the age brackets on the recommended vaccine schedule. They looked into it further and realized they were correct when the parents confirmed the vaccination dates. It was determined that under the stress of vaccination, babies breathe much more difficultly, and some even stop breathing all together under the stress, which without the monitor could have easily resulted in exactly what they were trying to prevent: SIDS. Instead of causing a massive retaliation against the vaccine manufacturers, doctors quickly stopped recommending the breathing monitor because it was scaring the parents into thinking vaccines were to blame, and they didn't want unnecessary fear spreading. The most horrifying thing I've learned yet is that they've even gone so far as to criminalize parents for vaccine injuries. Babies are rushed to the ER by their terrified parents because they thought perhaps they had a seizure or something, but when the doctors examine the baby, they see brain swelling and label it Baby Shaken Syndrome. The parents are interrogated by CPS, then the cops, and finally, they're arrested and then sent to prison for child abuse. All because they followed the CDC's recommended vaccine schedule as insisted by their child's pediatrician. Neither the pediatrician, nor the vaccine manufacturer is liable for the child's injury or death, only the parent. And those are only two examples of vaccine injury cover-ups. There is so much more.

My issue with wanting to bring this all up now, is that across the country, bills are currently being proposed to remove the parent's right to vaccine exemptions, including my own state. If these bills are passed, no child will be allowed to attend government funded public, private or home schools anymore without vaccinations. Already, pediatricians are kicking unvaccinated patients out of their practices because they're "non compliant" and won't help keep their profits up by buying vaccines. Our children can't see doctors for regular well checkups, and now they won't even be allowed to go to school for their basic human right to be educated. In most of the states proposing this bill, the only exemption they will allow will be a medical exemption, and with no pediatrician allowing unvaccinated children in their practice, and practically no doctor ever wanting to admit vaccine failure, you can probably imagine how few children will ever be granted a medical exemption. They aren't even allowing the public to vote on this.  Only the state legislatures get to vote, so the only way we can try to sway them to vote against it is to write or call them up and hope you can give them enough information to enlighten them on the other very much hidden side of this vaccine issue. The way I see it, with the majority of the population blindly following along with the belief that vaccines are marvelous life saving inventions, and seeing unvaccinated children as disease-ridden vermin, by the time my kids are school age, they aren't even going to be able to go to any school. This bill is making second class citizens out of my children who will be discriminated against simply because we don't want to risk pumping them full of toxic pharmaceutical compounds that could harm them. They can forget about playing in sports teams, bands or performing in school programs. They can forget about summer camps, scouts groups, attending proms or even participating in graduations. And if we're lucky enough to locate a rare gem of a school that isn't funded by the government, then guess who gets to pay the +$20k/year tuition per child to attend, even though we are still paying the taxes for public school systems where our children can't even go? To me, this is a direct violation of the constitution and the freedom that we value so greatly in this country. What happened to our right to accept or refuse medical treatment for our children? My kids don't belong to the state, they belong to me. My husband and I are the only legal guardians of our children. Where do they get off putting laws like this into place? When they know perfectly well that vaccines are NOT 100% safe or effective, and that they are actually unavoidably unsafe, causing a whole host of possible side effects, injuries, and life long damages--even death! Their logic is unfounded on any scientific or constitutional grounds, yet they bulldoze through and mandate them anyway on the grounds of propaganda and dollar signs. This is not a democracy. If these bills actually pass, and my kids can no longer go to school in the United States of America, "land of the free", we're immigrating to Canada. That's it. 

Personality Test

It's been a very long time since my last post on this blog.  Pretty much because I felt we have been so far removed from infertility by this point, I felt it was getting totally off topic.  I wanted to start a new blog more focused about parenting, since that's my full time job now, but then decided this one is about parenting.  It's called The Infertile Parent.  It's about life with and after infertility, and that's what this is, I reminded myself.

So, a lot has happened in the giant gap that I haven't posted anything, naturally.  I've written several posts, but never did publish them because the content was so controversial, I just never wanted to deal with the wrath.  I don't like conflict and criticism, and avoid it like the plague in 99% of all cases.  But there are a few cases I feel so strongly about that have just plain gotten to me, causing me to stand up and speak up for myself.  Unfortunately, those never end well, and I usually end up having a huge internet shouting match and ultimately losing a friend over it.

Last year after one such conflict, I was reading up on personalities in the hopes that I could better understand what causes these things to happen to me.  I consider myself to be extremely open minded, kind, patient, and understanding of other people, no matter their point of view.  I'm real with people.  I genuinely feel sympathetic connections with them and find it generally quite easy to see where they're coming from.  I'm not trying to butter myself up to be this perfect person, because I'm not.  I do have plenty of weaknesses as well.  I just needed to make that point clear before I move on to the next.  My weakness is exactly that: I walk around with an open heart.  My genuine feeling of respect for people is continuously challenged.  The moment I feel that knife of disbelief or disrespect for my honest respect for them, they have pushed me to my limit, and I can no longer expend the energy to respect them.  It's my breaking point.  Now, it's rare that I ever actually reach my breaking point, because I have lived my whole life with this kind of ultra sensitivity, and therefore built walls and defenses around myself.  I still feel the stings of insult on a near daily basis, but I've taught myself to ignore my feelings in many situations, simply because I know the world around me won't be accepting of them if I let them out because my feelings are deep.  My passions are strong, and everything I love, I love with such intensity I can often not handle it myself.  So, I developed the walls of defense to protect my open heart from the world.  People can still penetrate those walls, unfortunately, but it's only if they have crossed the point of no return and triggered my breaking point of total disrespect.  I think I can count the total times this has actually happened in my life on one hand. That's how rare this is, just so you know.

Now, I've always known I'm different.  I'm not stupid.  I can see that clearly by the way my strong reactions affect others, and the way they constantly tell me I overreacted, or I have issues, or the most common of them all: I'm far too sensitive.  The interesting thing about this is that in researching the psychology of this to find out if they were all right about me (because of a lifetime of those same accusations, I seriously thought I had a mental disorder), I stumbled across a really fascinating theory of personality types, developed by a psychology researched mother-daughter team.  It's called the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, and it's a personality test.  The Myers-Briggs test is a psychological inquiry which supposedly measures the psychological preferences of the way in which people perceive the world and make decisions. After reading all about it, I decided to take it and see how accurate it was, not really expecting much from it.  Out of the 16 different personality types there are, I tested as an INFJ (which stands for Introvert-Intuitive-Feeling-Judging), which is supposedly about 1.6% of the population, and the least common of any of them.  Now, the least common part definitely made sense right away, since I have always felt like an outcast my entire life, so reading that was an immediate comfort.  Next, I began reading what each of the 4 letters of my type stand for, and what they mean.  Following the conclusion of that, I was sold.  Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING I read about my personality type rang undeniably true for me.  I even had my husband read it over and asked him if he thought he was reading about me, and he nodded all the way through and agreed whole-heartedly that it was me to a T.  

Suddenly, my world was opened up to me in a way I had never viewed it before.  I know it was just a random internet personality test, but I did at least make sure it was a legitimate, popular and respected test.  But it made me feel like finally I wasn't crazy.  It freed me of the lifelong belief that I was actually a complete mental case!  I don't know if you can imagine what it's like to feel that way and then have the burden instantly lifted after so long, but it was such a good feeling.  Finally, I understood why everyone always thought I was so insane.  All my "flaws" and "issues" were transformed into personality traits, turning me into a perfectly sane individual instead of the mentally unstable person I had been most of my life.  Best of all, everything made sense.  All my past experiences, hardships, relationships, jobs, etc.  I finally figured out who I am.  

Obviously, there are a few skeptics, as there are for everything, who don't think the Myers-Briggs test should be relied upon for accurate information.  Here is one such article: http://fortune.com/2013/05/15/have-we-all-been-duped-by-the-myers-briggs-test/
But, in my defense, I have taken this test multiple times on different websites, and I always have gotten the same result.  Also, one of the things I really like about it is that it isn't all black & white, like the above article suggests.  It actually shows you the percentage of each of the four letters of your type that you tested for, called "preferences", so you can see which direction you are leaning to another personality type.  For me, I tested 100% Introvert, which made me laugh, but for the others, I was in various "strong" percentages.  This shows that our personalities are a continuous flow into the next one, and not all or nothing.

So, the most interesting part about all this, was in tying it into the conflicts I've had with people.  Most of my experiences in having disagreements, arguments or full on verbal attacks from people have always left me feeling almost instantly flushed hot, shaky, in complete defense mode.  In the end, I feel completely zapped of energy, I cry, I always seek out someone "safe" with whom I can talk it out with, which is either like my best friend or my husband.  But the thing of it is, while the other person seems to have moved on and forgotten about it, I'm still plagued thinking about the conflict for days, weeks and even months sometimes!  It eats me alive.  This is another reason I avoid conflict like the plague, because I know it will destroy me, mentally.  When I read about my personality type, I found so much insight in reading about how INFJs deal with conflict.  The following 10 points are seriously spot on:

The reason I'm writing about this all now, is because two people have brought me to my breaking point in the last year and a half.  The first one was my uncle, and it was one such incident that had been building up over the years.  He had insulted my vegan diet relentlessly, and of course I just keep my mouth shut and take the abuse, because that's what I do.  But one day, my husband finally spoke back to him with a stern comment to shut him up, because he'd had enough. My uncle triggered my INFJ "door slam" the moment he replied, "Hey, Mike, Fuck you!" This was on Facebook (even though he had actually insulted me on many occasion in real life too), so everyone saw this, including my 91 year old grandmother (my uncle's mother).  My sister in law chimed in to chew him out, and he cussed her out as well.  By the time I went online to see this, it was in full blown fight mode, and I completely lost what little respect I had left of the man, and told him off, ending by verbally cutting him out of my life. I know it hurt a lot of family to have to see that, especially my mom (his sister), but I just couldn't take it anymore.  The last time that happened was probably about 8 years ago, so you can see this really isn't a super common thing for me.  It happened with two of my closest family members at once, both of whom have never gained back the relationship we once shared.  The difference between that event and the one with my uncle was actually vastly different because I valued deeply the relationship I had with my aunt & cousin 8 years back, but I was actually struck with immense relief when I ended contact with my arrogant uncle. What happened with my aunt & cousin was very deep, and extremely controversial, which I believe was the reason it struck me so hard.  I thought everyone should be treated equally, and they both thought white people should be oppressed as punishment for their history.  There was never any resolve, I fell into a deep depression following that lengthy conflict between them, and they wouldn't talk to me for over a year.  When my cousin graduated, out of what I felt was the good of my heart, I reluctantly attended her graduation and wished her well.  Thereafter, we've seen each other at family events, and even had a bit of small talk, but I know it's only for the sake of the rest of our family. They both soon moved away, and we've never been close since.

Late last week, this happened all over again with two different people when I posted a petition online. I'm not going to get into it on this post, since this one is already plenty long enough for today.  Besides which, it's a whole other story.  But I'll conclude this post by simply saying, I'm a drained, nerve-wracked mess now, and I would very much like it to be resolved, but I have a feeling that won't happen.  I just need an honest vacation.  The cliche one where I get to sit under a palm tree on the warm, sunny beach sipping virgin margaritas.