About the Donation Buttons

There are two separate donation buttons located on this page; one on the right-hand sidebar and one at the top of the page.  There is no difference as to where the donation goes in either one (both go to the same place), but here are the differences otherwise:

• The "Give" box on the right-hand sidebar is a PayPal "widget" created to allow visitors the ability to use it on other websites, and gives us the ability to see the countdown to our goal.  Also, if you use the "Give" button on this box, you are given a drop down menu of donation choices, and your donations are then displayed with your name.
• As for the "Donate" button at the top of the page, there is no drop down menu of donations to choose from.  You are free to give whatever amount you wish, plus your donation or name will not be advertised.  The downside to this is that it also will not be added to our goal countdown on the other widget, but no worries.  We will get your donation, and it goes to the same place as the others--the safety of our PayPal account.

If you have any other questions, don't hesitate to contact us or leave a comment.  Thank you so much for considering donating to our great cause.  (We think anyway).  :)

ENDOMETRIOSIS

About 8 months after being diagnosed with PCOS, as if having one debilitating disease wasn't enough, I was diagnosed with yet another disease.  One just as common in infertile women as PCOS, but not as simple to diagnose.  Endometriosis.  I was not as surprised about having this condition, because my doctor had mentioned it to me a year earlier that he suspected I had it, but in order to diagnose it, I would have to go under the knife. 

In July of 2008, I had what's called operative laparoscopy.  A surgical procedure where they sliced me open in 3 places; my naval, right lower abdomen and left lower abdomen where they could insert their instruments and take pictures of my insides to diagnose me, then burn out any endometriosis they found.  During the surgery, my doctor made certain that other things were in order as well, such as running a dye through my fallopian tubes to make sure there were no blockages, and checking the size and condition of my ovaries.  Aside from having to remove endometriosis scaring from one of my fallopian tubes and ovary, he later informed me that my reproductive organs were in great shape, and with a little help I could easily become pregnant and carry to term.

But surgery wasn't easy.  That was the first time I had ever had surgery where I was actually "put under" with anesthesia.  The week after surgery was the most painful experience of my life.  I couldn't get up out of bed without help, and just being in an upright position caused me to feel overwhelmingly nauseous.  Anything that caused me to use my abdominal muscles (news flash: this is everything) caused outrageous pain.  My friend came over and stayed with me during the day so I wouldn't be alone when my husband was at work, and helped me get up out of bed when I needed to.  She brought me smoothies and soup.  All the things a good friend does.  But she's not a very touchy-feely person, so it was rather hilarious when she said one day when I wanted to get up, "Aw, man, does this mean we have to hug again?"  Honestly, I about died laughing--because laughing was incredibly painful to do.  I used to joke that she was the worst person to take care of me because she made me laugh all the time.  But, really, I was so glad she was there.  Thanks Martika!! 

So, anyway, what I personally know most about Endometriosis is the pain it causes.  I strongly believe it is very closely related to PCOS in that it is a hormonal disorder as well, but that is my own personal opinion.  Here are the facts:

What is Endometriosis?

Endometriosis is a life-altering hormone and immune system disease where the endometrial tissue (the tissue that lines the inner cavity of the uterus) grows outside the uterus in other locations.  It gets its name from the word, endometrium, the tissue that lines the uterus or womb.  Endometriosis affects about 10 -15% of the general population of reproductive age women and is found in 30-40% of all infertility patients.

Most often, endometriosis is found on the:

• Ovaries
• Fallopian tubes
• Tissues that hold the uterus in place
• Outer surface of the uterus
• Lining of the pelvic cavity

Other sites for growths can include the vagina, cervix, vulva, bowel, bladder, or rectum. In rare cases, endometriosis has been found in other parts of the body, such as the lungs, brain, and skin.

What are the symptoms of Endometriosis?

The most common symptom of endometriosis is pain in the lower abdomen or pelvis, or the lower back, mainly during menstrual periods. The amount of pain a woman feels does not depend on how much endometriosis she has. Some women have no pain, even though their disease affects large areas. Other women with endometriosis have severe pain even though they have only a few small growths (which is my case). Symptoms of endometriosis can include:

• Very painful menstrual cramps; pain may get worse over time
• Chronic pain in the lower back and pelvis
• Pain during or after sex
• Intestinal pain
• Painful bowel movements or painful urination during menstrual periods
• Spotting or bleeding between menstrual periods
• Infertility or not being able to get pregnant
• Fatigue
• Diarrhea, constipation, bloating, or nausea, especially during menstrual periods
  

In addition, many women with endometriosis suffer from:

• Allergies
  
• Chemical sensitivities
  
• Frequent yeast infections

The pain of endometriosis can interfere with your life. Studies show that women with endometriosis often skip school, work, and social events. This health problem can also get in the way of relationships with your partner, friends, children, and co-workers.

The only way to diagnose endometriosis is to do a laparoscopy. Endometriosis may appear as dark implants (blood-filled nodules) or bands of scar tissue that bind the tubes and ovaries to the intestine or to other structures in the pelvis. 

Why does endometriosis occur?

Growths of endometriosis are benign (not cancerous). But they still can cause many problems. To see why, it helps to understand a woman's menstrual cycle. Every month, hormones cause the lining of a woman's uterus to build up with tissue and blood vessels. If a woman does not get pregnant, the uterus sheds this tissue and blood. It comes out of the body as her menstrual period.

Patches of endometriosis also respond to the hormones produced during the menstrual cycle. With the passage of time, the growths of endometriosis may expand by adding extra tissue and blood. The symptoms of endometriosis often get worse. 

No one knows for sure what causes this disease (again, I have my suspicions), but experts have a number of theories:

• Since endometriosis runs in families, it may be carried in the genes, or some families have traits that make them more likely to get it.
• Endometrial tissue may move from the uterus to other body parts through the blood system or lympth system.
• If a woman has a faulty immune system it will fail to find and destroy endometrial tissue growing outside of the uterus. Recent research shows that immune system disorders and certain cancers are more common in women with endometriosis.
• The hormone estrogen appears to promote the growth of endometriosis. So, some research is looking at whether it is a disease of the endocrine system, the body’s system of glands, hormones, and other secretions.
• Endometrial tissue has been found in abdominal scars and might have been moved there by mistake during a surgery.
• Small amounts of tissue from when a woman was an embryo might later become endometriosis.
• New research shows a link between dioxin exposure and getting endometriosis. Dioxin is a toxic chemical from the making of pesticides and the burning of wastes. More research is needed to find out whether man-made chemicals cause endometriosis.
• Endometrial tissue may back up into the abdomen through the fallopian tubes during a woman’s monthly period. This transplanted tissue could grow outside of the uterus. However, most experts agree that this theory does not entirely explain why endometriosis develops.

Why does endometriosis cause infertility?

Tissue and blood that is shed into the body can cause inflammation, scar tissue, and pain. As endometrial tissue grows, it can cover or grow into the ovaries and block the fallopian tubes. Trapped blood in the ovaries can form cysts, or closed sacs. It also can cause inflammation and cause the body to form scar tissue and adhesions, tissue that sometimes binds organs together. This scar tissue may cause pelvic pain and make it hard for women to get pregnant.  If scar tissue causes the end of the tube to be stuck to the ovary or the intestines, it will not be able to pick up the egg cell. If these implants grow on the surface of the ovary and form cysts, these cysts can grow in size and are often as big as an orange. Unfortunately when these blood-filled cysts rupture, they can release great amounts of blood in the immediate vicinity and cause even further scarring and pain. (These rupturing cysts are what I learned most likely caused my years of sudden debilitating pains that caused me to fall on the floor in agony for several minutes at a time).

The best time to try to conceive is immediately after surgery because the tubes have been flushed out and are open and hopefully the tubes and ovaries will remain in normal location.  If a patient tries to conceive on their own for several months after surgery for endometriosis (which is what we did) – the options at that point are either to proceed with IVF or repeat the laparoscopy and see whether the implants or scar tissue has returned.  In most cases, IVF will be the better choice. 

How is Endometriosis treated?

There is no cure for endometriosis, but there are many treatments for the pain and infertility that it causes. The treatment options for any case of endometriosis are either surgical or hormonal.  

The surgical treatment is to use either laser or electrocautery (burn) to vaporize the implants or larger lesions. (Which is what I had done). If a surgeon has the skill required, these implants can also be removed by using tiny cutting instruments (small scissors) through the laparoscope.   

Hysterectomy is a surgery in which the doctor removes the uterus. Removing the ovaries as well can help ensure that endometriosis will not return. This is done when the endometriosis has severely damaged these organs. A woman cannot get pregnant after this surgery, so it should only be considered as a last resort.

Hormonal options that treat endometriosis have the sole purpose of reducing the implants. Hormone therapy is beneficial by reducing the amount of estrogen and progesterone. The birth control pill is able to accomplish this and can therefore can be used to treat this disorder. One can also use Lupron because Lupron will suppress FSH and LH – and therefore there will be no stimulation of the follicle to produce estrogen and progesterone. The advantage of adding hormonal therapy after surgery has been done is to hopefully reduce the likelihood of recurrence of the endometriosis.

Complementary treatment options may include:

• Traditional Chinese medicine
• Nutritional approaches
• Homeopathy
• Allergy management
• Immune therapy

There are no definite "natural" ways to lower your chances of developing endometriosis (so they say). Yet, since the hormone estrogen is involved in thickening the lining of the uterus during the menstrual cycle, you can try to lower levels of estrogen in your body.  To keep lower estrogen levels in your body, you can:

• Exercise regularly
• Keep a low amount of body fat
• Avoid large amounts of alcohol and drinks with caffeine

I plan to continue my treatment for Endometriosis in the same way as I am dealing with PCOS.  Medication when necessary, and a healthy lifestyle.  I am counting on erasing both these diseases from my life.  As was recommended by my doctor, IVF is our option to become pregnant, and according to him, pregnancy is the best "cure" for endometriosis. 

Information in this post gathered from several different online sources as well as my own personal experience and doctors.

POLYCYSTIC OVARIAN SYNDROME

After years of having no answers, thinking we had "unexplained infertility" as the doctors called it, I finally got a true diagnosis in the fall of 2007.  I have PCOS.  I never gave up trying to figure out what it was I had, because I knew something was not right with me.  As fate would have it, months prior to my diagnosis, I actually watched a show called Mystery Diagnosis on Discovery Health, which I liked to watch every so often (before we canceled our cable to save money).  On this particular episode, they did a story on a woman who turned out to have PCOS.  The thing about this documentary type show is that they don't reveal the diagnosis until the end, so all throughout the program, I was becoming more and more intrigued.  Everything this woman was describing about herself was me!  I remember telling Mike rather excitedly when the show was over, "I think I have PCOS!"  Imagine my surprise when my fertility specialist diagnosed me with it via vaginal ultrasound only a few months later!  There really was nothing more exciting to me (or Mike!) at the time than to hear an actual reason for my mystery symptoms and infertility.  It meant we knew what we were dealing with, and could finally begin real treatment.


I often get the question when I tell people what's wrong with me:  

What exactly is PCOS?



PCOS or polycystic ovarian syndrome is the most common hormonal disorder in women of reproductive age and is a major cause of infertility. About one in ten women of childbearing age has PCOS. 

The term "polycystic ovarian syndrome" derives from the characteristic appearance of the ovaries in patients with PCOS – the ovaries are enlarged and contain numerous cysts (polycystic). Actually, each cyst is really a follicle – a fluid–filled sac that contains an immature egg cell that during the course of the monthly cycle, continues to grown in size and eventually ovulate or release the egg at the mid-cycle. In PCOS - there is a disturbance in the ability of the ovary to make these follicle sacs grow and ovulate.


The cause of PCOS is unknown. (Maybe it's unknown to science, but I blame processed foods and environmental toxins).  Most researchers think that more than one factor could play a role in developing PCOS. Genes are thought to be one factor. Women with PCOS tend to have a mother or sister with PCOS (although I do not). Researchers also think insulin could be linked to PCOS. Insulin is a hormone that controls the change of sugar, starches, and other food into energy for the body to use or store. For many women with PCOS, their bodies have problems using insulin so that too much insulin is in the body. Excess insulin appears to increase production of androgen. This hormone is made in fat cells, the ovaries, and the adrenal gland. Levels of androgen that are higher than normal can lead to acne, excessive hair growth, weight gain, and problems with ovulation. 

What are the symptoms of polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS)?   

Some patients will have the classic findings of irregular periods, excess weight and excess facial hair – but PCOS can affect different women in a variety of ways and not all women with PCOS share the same symptoms. These are some of the symptoms of PCOS:

• infrequent menstrual periods, no menstrual periods, and/or irregular/heavy bleeding
• infertility (not able to get pregnant) because of not ovulating
• increased hair growth on the face, chest, stomach, back, thumbs, or toes—a condition called hirsutism (HER-suh-tiz-um)
• ovarian cysts
• acne, oily skin, or dandruff
• weight gain or obesity, usually carrying extra weight around the waist
• insulin resistance or type 2 diabetes
• high cholesterol
• high blood pressure
• male-pattern baldness or thinning hair
• patches of thickened and dark brown or black skin on the neck, arms, breasts, or thighs
• skin tags, or tiny excess flaps of skin in the armpits or neck area
• severe pelvic pain
• anxiety or depression due to appearance and/or infertility
• sleep apnea—excessive snoring and times when breathing stops while asleep 
  

 And now for the bad news:


Women with PCOS have greater chances of developing several serious, life-threatening diseases, including type 2 diabetes, cardiovascular disease (CVD), and cancer. Recent studies found that:

• More than 50 percent of women with PCOS will have diabetes or pre-diabetes (impaired glucose tolerance) before the age of 40.
• Women with PCOS have a four to seven times higher risk of heart attack than women of the same age without PCOS.
• Women with PCOS are at greater risk of having high blood pressure.
• Women with PCOS have high levels of LDL (bad) cholesterol and low levels of HDL (good) cholesterol.

The chance of getting endometrial cancer is another concern for women with PCOS. Irregular menstrual periods and the absence of ovulation cause women to produce the hormone estrogen, but not the hormone progesterone. Progesterone causes the endometrium to shed its lining each month as a menstrual period. Without progesterone, the endometrium becomes thick, which can cause heavy bleeding or irregular bleeding. Over time, this can lead to endometrial hyperplasia, when the lining grows too much, and cancer. 

So, how is polycystic ovarian syndrome treated?

Because there is no cure for PCOS, it needs to be managed to prevent problems. Treatment goals are based on your symptoms, whether or not you want to become pregnant, and lowering your chances of getting heart disease and diabetes. Many women will need a combination of treatments to meet these goals. Some treatments for PCOS include:

Birth control pills. For women who don't want to become pregnant, birth control pills can control menstrual cycles, reduce male hormone levels, and help to clear acne. However, the menstrual cycle will become abnormal again if the pill is stopped. Women may also think about taking a pill that only has progesterone, like Provera®, to control the menstrual cycle and reduce the risk of endometrial cancer. But progesterone alone does not help reduce acne and hair growth.

Diabetes medications. The medicine metformin (Glucophage®) is used to treat type 2 diabetes. It also has been found to help with PCOS symptoms, although it is not FDA-approved for this use. Metformin affects the way insulin controls blood glucose (sugar) and lowers testosterone production. Abnormal hair growth will slow down, and ovulation may return after a few months of use. Recent research has shown metformin to have other positive effects, such as decreased body mass and improved cholesterol levels. Metformin will not cause a person to become diabetic.

Fertility medications. Lack of ovulation is usually the reason for fertility problems in women with PCOS. Several medications that stimulate ovulation can help women with PCOS become pregnant. Even so, other reasons for infertility in both the woman and man should be ruled out before fertility medications are used. Also, there is an increased risk for multiple births (twins, triplets) with fertility medications. For most patients, clomiphene citrate (Clomid®, Serophene®) is the first choice therapy to stimulate ovulation. If this fails, metformin taken with clomiphene is usually tried. When metformin is taken along with fertility medications, it may help women with PCOS ovulate on lower doses of medication. Another option is in vitro fertilization (IVF). IVF offers the best chance of becoming pregnant in any one cycle and gives doctors better control over the chance of multiple births. But, IVF is very costly.

Medicine for increased hair growth or extra male hormones. Medicines called anti-androgens may reduce hair growth and clear acne. Other treatments such as laser hair removal or electrolysis work well at getting rid of hair in some women. A woman with PCOS can also take hormonal treatment to keep new hair from growing.

Surgery. "Ovarian drilling" is a surgery that brings on ovulation. It is sometimes used when a woman does not respond to fertility medicines. The doctor makes a very small cut above or below the navel and inserts a small tool that acts like a telescope into the abdomen. This is called laparoscopy (which I had, but surprisingly not for PCOS--it was for my diagnosis of Endometriosis). The doctor then punctures the ovary with a small needle carrying an electric current to destroy a small portion of the ovary. This procedure carries a risk of developing scar tissue on the ovary. This surgery can lower male hormone levels and help with ovulation. But these effects may only last a few months. This treatment doesn't help with loss of scalp hair and increased hair growth on other parts of the body.

Lifestyle modification. (My personal favorite option!) Keeping a healthy weight by eating healthy foods and exercising is another way women can help manage PCOS. Many women with PCOS are overweight or obese. Eat fewer processed foods and foods with added sugars and more whole-grain products, fruits and vegetables to help lower blood sugar (glucose) levels, improve the body's use of insulin, and normalize hormone levels in your body. Even a 10 percent loss in body weight can restore a normal period and make a woman's cycle more regular.

I am a natural freak at heart and after this sadly necessary crazy medically induced IVF pregnancy, I plan to manage my PCOS long term with a combination of medication and lifestyle modification until I can finally reach my goal of cutting medication completely from my life. My mom is my inspiration.  She has type 2 diabetes, was on metformin for several years, and finally because of her lifestyle changes (especially diet related) she is now free and clear of diabetes medications!  Way to go Mom!

Information in this post gathered from several different online sources as well as my own personal experience and doctors.

Why Don't You Just Adopt?

"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans." -John Lennon

While I was in my twenties, other girls my age were working on their careers, dating, getting married, and busily popping out kids left and right before I'd even had a chance to pee on a stick.  I met my husband fresh out of high school when I was seventeen.  We took a good long five whole years of dating and living together before tying the knot.  I was twenty-two, and it felt like we'd already been together forever.  So, by that time we felt ready to "settle down" and have a family.  When that didn't happen right away, we began what would become a long near decade of studying and research, trial and error to discover why we couldn't get pregnant.  Without even realizing it (okay I realized it a few times) I had literally spent the rest of my twenties--something I'll never get back--trying to have a baby.

Though I didn't get pregnant, I did gain something else; a wealth of information about this new found focus in my life that I learned was called "infertility".   Never question the knowledge of an infertile couple!  Seriously, they should hand out degrees for the amount of boring, mind numbingly nonsensical junk you learn just from being infertile!  You so desperately want to stop trying to learn about it, but you don't because you have to know it.  It's the only thing you can do.  Nobody is going to walk over to your house and tell you what to do.  Or do they?

SCREEEEEEEEEEEECH!!!!!!!!!!  Hold everything!  I was trying to make a point, but I just realized something.  That's right, everyone and their mother's uncle is telling you what to do!! 

"Just relax, and it'll happen when it's supposed to happen!  You're still young!" say a thousand and one well meaning loved ones.

And then there's my all time favorite said by a witty young dad already with 3 kids and another one on the way, "You guys need me to help you or something?  I can show you how it's done, man!" as if trying to not so subtly make the point that my husband is somehow less masculine than he is because we are unable to conceive.  Sure wish I could invite him to be a fly on the wall of our infertile bedroom!  Enough said.  Probably too much said, but oh well...

When we first tell people we are undergoing fertility treatments to try and get pregnant, people give us that sad concerned look, and then out pops the ultimate question.  You know the one I mean, because it's the title of this post.

"Why don't you guys just adopt?"

Now, before this gets too much farther, let me just state for the record that I have absolutely nothing bad against adoption.  In fact, I would love--read my words--LOVE nothing more than to just adopt a baby!  But the answer to that question is not as simple as one might think when asking it.  Adoption is anything but easy.  You cannot "just adopt".  You first have to understand that adoption is a long, emotionally draining, expensive legal process to undergo.  Believe me, being infertile for nearly 8 years, I actually have done my research on adoption!  We've read whole books on adoption, looked into several different adoption agencies and attorneys, had consultations and went through all their welcome packets and informational DVDs.  But it all boiled down to one very minute detail:  Money.

My dear friends, adoption is expensive.  It's not 1950 anymore.  And it's not $35 anymore.  What we learned is that adoption costs roughly the same as or actually, more often than not, thousands of dollars more than fertility treatments.  So, before you decide to throw out the next of the most cringingly popular adoption comments my husband and I get, "The world is already overpopulated.  Why do you want to contribute to that? Just think of all the poor homeless children waiting for a family!" consider this: Adoptions have fallen rapidly from 23,000 a year in 1974 to 6,500 in 1990 while demand has soared. It is a strange irony that while more and more couples cannot conceive naturally, some 170,000 pregnancies end in abortion and a generation that would have been offered for adoption after birth are no longer available. Therefore IVF for many is a last chance.  

So here is your answer to the first question, "Why don't you just adopt?":  My husband and I do not qualify for adoption.  Believe it or not, there are actually qualifications to meet before you can just pluck out your favorite homeless kid and take it home.  You don't just write your name down on a list then sit back and wait for someone to hand you a baby.  There is such an overwhelming amount of qualifications, in fact, that in no way could I list them all right here.  It would bore you to death.  They'd make you squirm.  It's everything from the balance of your checking account, your neighborhood, and your psychological health, to your religious practices, your age and your body mass index!  I have the utmost respect for people who successfully adopt children, because in my mind it must feel like winning an Olympic gold metal when you're finally done!

What I am trying to point out here is simply that adoption is not easy, and people really need to understand that before they decide to use it against you.  Especially since they probably all have either no children or a nice brood of their own, self conceived, biologically genetic children running around their feet as they preach the all righteousness of humane choice adoption.  Nothing makes me crazier than that very fact.  If you are so against our well thought out and logical, yet extremely personal decision to turn to fertility treatments in order to have a child, instead of adopting one, then for God's sake, why didn't YOU just adopt?!"

You wouldn't believe the comments people have.  Maybe you would, but you probably wouldn't believe just how many times we hear the same ones over and over and over again. "What makes a biological child anymore your own than one that's adopted?"  First of all, the answer to this question is nothing, but there are in fact preferences in certain couples.  Be it religion, or family tradition or beliefs.  For many, blood of the family is everything.  For others, the desire to experience pregnancy and childbirth is a right that all women should experience.  And don't laugh, because I'm going to go on a little "biological child" tangent, so bear with me.  A biological child is something special that you and your partner created together out of love.  (Remember the "love child" of the 1970s?  Hey, I am one of those!) It is a combination of you both.  For many couples, this biological child is a living symbol of your love.  The extension of your marriage.  Your mark on the world, or however you want to say it, it's yours.  No other soul on earth had a say in the creation of this little piece of you that you carried in your womb but you and your man.

My desire to be a parent is so great, I would give all that "love child" nonsense up just to be one, and just adopt  if I could.  That's not to say adoption is any less special.  If anything, an adopted child is probably ten times MORE special, judging by all the adoption nonsense you go through just to get them!  After trying everything medically possible that we could afford to do, before we opted for IVF, Michael & I turned to adoption.  We were declined, we were not applicable, we were not qualified to adopt.  Why?  Because we don't make enough money.  And you know what?  Fertility clinics don't discriminate against you based on whether or not you are financially sound enough to become a parent.  So, if you must know, that is why we don't just adopt.

Why isn't infertility covered by medical insurance?

A question we have been asking ourselves for years.  Why oh why?  The answer we are given is that reproduction is voluntary.  You don't NEED to be fertile.  So medically, anything related to your fertility is considered an elective medical procedure, and is not covered.  Right along with breast implants.  Logical?  Maybe when you look at it like that.  But I think not!  Here's why I think this system is completely skewed:  

Medical insurance companies claim you can only get coverage for conditions or diseases that are out of your control.  Say you discovered through a routine exam that you developed diabetes or even that you have cancer, or you were driving home one night and got into a nearly fatal collision.  These are fine examples of things that are completely out of your control, right?  You might think so at first, but think about it.  Couldn't all these things have been avoided?  Yes, with "preventative medicine" doctors are always talking about, it could.  For Diabetes and even Cancer; a better diet and environment.  And as for the car crash; defensive driving skills.  But insurance companies certainly never punished these people by denying them coverage even though they very well could have caused their own conditions!  Could you imagine?  How crappy would that be?

From www.dreambaby.com, this is a direct quote from a physician, Craig R. Sweet, M.D., that I found quite helpful in explaining the reasons why fertility treatments are considered "elective" to insurance companies:

"During the 1960’s, with the development of the oral contraceptive pill, an entire generation was suddenly able to control its reproductive destiny. Then, when abortion became legalized in 1973, women were given an additional tool with which to control their reproductive lives. Both forms of reproductive independence came with a price. If fertility was an elective decision, was not infertility also controllable and essentially an elective process?

It is of no surprise that this concept of elective fertility/infertility continues to be an issue. Well-meaning friends constantly often encourage infertile couples to  “relax” or “take a vacation” in order to conceive. These not-so-subtle remarks imply that the couple somehow has control over their fertility. In truth, they have minimal control. 

It should be clearly understood that for the vast majority of patients, infertility is simply not elective but acquired – they do not choose it. One would not say that a patient chooses to have cardiovascular disease. In reality, patients may contribute to their risks through sedentary life-styles, obesity, smoking and alcohol consumption. Still, patients are relatively innocent bystanders to a disease process. Infertility is really no different.

The argument is building. Infertility is a disease, a symptom of an underlying disease and it is rarely elective. Because of society’s current mistaken perception that infertility is  elective, insurance companies and employers rarely offer infertility coverage." 

And there you have it.  What I've come to learn is that infertility it's self is actually a sign of several other debilitating medical conditions such as PCOS and Endometriosis.  Both cause devastating and even painful symptoms I can personally promise you that you wouldn't want to live with.  Not only is it shocking to learn that to treat these conditions, you have to dig into your own pocket, but it is heartbreaking.  So, what can we possibly do to convince insurance companies to offer coverage for infertility?  It's a long road ahead, but it looks like things are slowly beginning to change.  Dr. Sweet explains further:

"Patients are feeling confident enough to begin to question the perspective of elective infertility, the failure of insurance companies to cover infertility and the failure of employers to offer infertility healthcare. It has become increasingly apparent that it is not appropriate to exclude infertility treatments that attempt to remedy medical issues that are preventing the conception of a child.

    

Interestingly, as patients with increasing confidence and self-assurance have spoken up about infertility and the lack of adequate insurance coverage, they have slowly become aware that it would be necessary to describe infertility as a type of disability. It has become a form of obligatory self-deprecation. On the one hand, the infertile patient seeks recognition of his or her problem as a medical disease, just like everyone else’s. On the other hand, the infertile patient simultaneously moving infertility into the disability arena in order to prove discrimination."

So, maybe we do have a chance at coverage for infertility after all.  Probably not in time for our cycle unfortunately, but we can still dream--not just for us, but for the entire population of infertile couples out there.  While it is a characteristic of infertile couples to feel all alone in the world, we know, consciously, that we are not alone.  So let's keep on fighting!

Homemade Scarves For Sale!

Crocheted Scarves ~ By Heather $12.00 each

I like to crochet, and scarves are my favorite winter accessories.  Being winter, these warm fuzzy, extra long scarves come in quite handy about now!  I make them in various colors so I don't get bored.  Suitable for both girls & guys of all ages! Pictures shown are the actual scarves that are currently for sale.  Adult scarves are all about 6' long.

SOFT WHITE "GRANNY STITCH" SCARF

TO ORDER: send me an email with the style name of the scarf/scarves you wish to order, along with a mailing address where I can send it.  I will reply to let you know if it is in stock, then you may simply make your payment using the donate button on this website, and I will ship it to you!

Crocheted Scarves for kids ~ By Heather $8.00 each

Just in case you don't want your kid swimming in the long adult scarves shown above, these scarves are about half the size.  Great for smaller necks and shorter bodies!  Same quality, but I usually like to have more fun with the colors, I mean you're only a kid once!  Live it up!  Pictures shown are the actual scarves that are currently for sale.  Kid scarves are all about 4' long.

TO ORDER: send me an email with the style name of the scarf/scarves you wish to order, along with a mailing address where I can send it.  I will reply to let you know if it is in stock, then you may simply make your payment using the donate button on this website, and I will ship it to you!

(Currently Out of Stock!  New Scarves & Photos Coming Soon!)

 

Our 7 year journey down infertility road

In June of 2002, Michael & I were married. I was a youthful 22 years old, and he was 28. Blinded by our newlywed bliss, we decided one day after about 5 minutes that we wanted to have a baby...

One year after we began trying, I saw a doctor about it. She ran a few blood tests and put me on a drug called Clomid which causes you to ovulate several eggs at once. I was on that for the next year with no results. The only thing I noticed was how much it hurt to ovulate. It always felt like someone had run head on into my side with a bat for about a week out of every month!

When that didn't work, my doctor upped the dose and took our treatments to the next level: Inter-uterine insemination (or IUI). This is where the fun finally began for my husband. Rushing last minute semen samples to the lab on the day of my ovulation, then having to carry the vial of washed sperm up to the doctor's office where we would have to awkwardly sit in the waiting room with it between our knees, trying to keep it warm until it was our turn to go in. Then our doctor would simply inject it into me via IUI and I would lay there for about 20 minutes before we could go home and relax. We did that three times before we finally ran out of options, and ran out of money. Our next step would be to see a fertility specialist, which we knew would be completely impossible for us, given the fact that we were already broke. Medical insurance does not cover the cost of fertility treatments. This we'll save for another post. Not knowing what else to do, we went back to trying naturally again, this time adding more natural approaches like herbal supplements, but again with no results.

In 2006, we went back to the doctor. We had moved and finally became better financially secure. We decided to give it another try. Maybe this new doctor could find the actual cause of our infertility--something my previous doctor couldn't. He put me on Clomid again, and we started all over. I did that about 3 more cycles on that before we decided enough was enough. It wasn't working. My doctor suspected I had Endometriosis, and that I should get surgery to determine it. I didn't want surgery, and there really wasn't anything else my OBGYN could really do for me except recommend that we either see a fertility specialist or look into adoption. But we still didn't have the money.

A year later, my husband brought a book home from the library that was written by a doctor. A fertility specialist who runs a fertility center in northern California. What it was, was several stories of patients this doctor had treated for infertility, all compiled into a book. A very inspiring book. I told Mike we needed a doctor like him, and a few months later, we were sitting in his office. He took a look at all my medical records and examined me via internal ultrasound. It took him about 2 minutes to determine with certainty that I had PCOS (poly-cystic ovarian syndrome). Later, when I read all the information about PCOS that he had given me, I knew he was right.

Back home, I returned to my regular OBGYN, per suggestion of my new fertility specialist, and opted to have the recommended surgery. In July 2008, I had laparoscopic surgery in which my doctor was able to quickly diagnose that I indeed have Endometriosis. He then lasered it out of me as much as he could in the hope that I would be free of the pain the disease causes for at least a little while--because Endometriosis grows back.

Since puberty, I had very painful and irregular cycles, but I thought that was normal. By the time I was 21, I knew something was wrong with me. I started experiencing pains in my abdomen even when I wasn't on my period. Absolutely debilitating pains that would leave me curled up on the floor in agony for several minutes at a time. Mike took me to the emergency room once, and I remember the doctor took one look at me, pressed around on my stomach for a minute, determined I was probably stressed out and $80 later, sent me home. I never did figure out what caused those pains, but I kept having them off and on throughout the years. I still do, but the difference is at least I know what they are now.

It took us about 2 years to complete our pre-cycle lab work and preparations for IVF, all due to money constraints, of course, but we are finally almost there. It's just around the corner. I'm now 30 years old, and Mike is 35. We are more than ready to be parents.

Our Objective: Become Parents!

We created this site to help us afford the medical treatment needed to have a baby after all other money making avenues had been explored.  While we continue to work at saving our hard earned pennies, and apply for loan after credit card, month after year, these things just aren't enough to pay for the incredible costs of in-vitro fertilization (IVF).  It's been a 7 year journey down infertility road, and the only exits are IVF or adoption--both of which cost (financially and emotionally) exactly the same.  Desperate times call for desperate measures, as the old saying goes, so we're trying to raise the funds for treatment in every way possible.  We thought this website would be a great way for people to help by allowing them to donate through a secure Paypal button.  We're not asking for $10,000--although that would just about cover it. Anything you can give is greatly appreciated.  Even $5! 

It may seem selfish to some, but we feel it's only natural to want to have children.  So many people who were able to conceive naturally tend to take for granted their miraculous ability to have children.  The one gift that our infertility journey has taught us is never to be ungrateful or take for granted the lives of children.

When you feel the world is against you in every possible way, it’s very psychologically hard on you.  When you learn you are infertile, and the one thing you knew for certain you wanted in the world is something you can’t have, you grieve.  It’s the same kind of grief one might feel after learning they have a vastly debilitating and fatal disease.  That's a scientific fact.  Only we grieve for the life of our child that has yet to even be conceived. This pain is a constant throbbing in your very soul.  You carry it everywhere you go.  Social events become virtually unbearable to attend because they almost always involve children, babies, pregnant women, or even the “harmless” conversations about them.  It is not that these people are cruel in any way, and you're not jealous of them.  Jealousy is the desire for petty, unnecessary, useless nonsense.  These pangs go beyond mere jealousy.  These things simply hurt.  Just the very thought of babies or anything remotely related brings on an ache so indescribable, that we, ourselves don’t know how to deal with it.  What you would feel is sadness that the people in your life will never know what it’s like not to be able to have children, and mostly that the likelihood of them understanding what you are going through is extremely slim.  You feel alone and out of place, like you can no longer relate to anyone you used to.   Only hope keeps you going, and the love and understanding of your spouse.