Second Time Around

Pregnancy the second time is very much the same as the first, in that most of my symptoms are identical, but other than that, it's a whole new experience.  When I got pregnant with my daughter over 4 years ago, it marked the end of a near decade long trial with infertility. She was a miracle to us, and all who were close to us. Everyone knew how special and amazing it was for me just to be pregnant. My husband treated me like royalty, pampering and limiting my activities so that I wouldn't overdo it. He cooked and cleaned and took care of the pets for me, and was constantly present, feeling my belly and kissing me. When our daughter finally made her debut, on the 4th of July to top it off, everyone was thrilled. She was a princess, and I, her mommy, the queen.

Finding myself pregnant for the second time, I expected a little more than I actually got. See, pregnancy is old news when you've already been through it. Of course people are initially happy for you, but it isn't the screeching fireworks celebration like the first time. I got mixed feelings that there were actually a few people who were disappointed that we were going to have another baby.  Not everyone congratulated us on Facebook as they had done before.  But most especially notable was my ongoing treatment of my pregnancy this time. I have basically been ignored. Second pregnancies don't get the royal treatment, not even by the husband. He rarely even glimpses at my growing belly on a daily basis, let alone caresses or talks to it. And the only kiss I ever get is a habitual goodbye peck in the morning before he heads to work.  It's not that he isn't happy I'm pregnant, he's just used to it and as a veteran father, knows the drill. He doesn't, however, realize how much I crave his affection, compliments and reassurance because I feel like a hippo. Just one "you're the most beautiful pregnant woman in the world!" comment from him would perk me up for the rest of the pregnancy and beyond!  But second time pregnancies are not celebrated like that. With my first, I had two different baby showers. With the second, none. And in fact, despite announcing that it's going to be a boy this time, and not having any boy stuff, we made a baby registry and sent it out to both our families, only ONE gift has been purchased for us so far.  And the baby is due only a month from now.  It looks as though we are on our own this time. The only thing is, I'm not sure if it's because people don't like me now, or just because second pregnancies aren't as exciting.  Whatever the reason, let me assure you it's difficult.  Second time pregnancies are more difficult not only because of that, but because you are already a parent, and financially struggling as it is when a second pregnancy comes along.  Parenting is a full time job, and one you didn't have the first time you were pregnant. With little to no person willing to help us, having a new baby is going to be challenging.  We dwell in a live and let live kind of society these days, so forget about having a village to support you and your husband's tough transition into having a new child. You're on your own this time!

The End is Near

It's mid June, summer is here and I can't believe I only have a month left of being pregnant. I'm constantly awed whenever I catch glimpses of my growing belly in the mirror.  It's getting bigger all the time, perfectly rounded, tight and smooth.  Inside, a baby wriggles around, jabs my ribs, kicks my bladder and elbows my hand whenever I stroke it over my smooth round belly to feel him. It's my second time being pregnant, and the feeling is both familiar and surprisingly foreign.  Having another living being inside me is quite alien like.  Everything about me is changed because of this little being. My belly is the most obvious change, but so much more is different than even my own husband is aware of, like my hair thickening, my sense of smell heightening, the strong nesting instinct to clean and organize everything, my hormonal balance shifting all over the place causing unusually high emotional turmoil in my daily life, having to pee three times as many times as normal, feeling completely exhausted after doing the smallest physical things, four months of constant first trimester nausea, third trimester shortness of breath, heartburn, back pain, and leg cramps, not being able to see my feet when I walk anymore, feeling like I'm wearing a bowling ball or a watermelon under my shirt, no more lying on my stomach to sleep, Braxton Hicks contractions squeezing the life out of me day and night, food cravings, food aversions, constantly battling the two extremes of feeling starved and feeling stuffed full, swelling breasts out growing my usual bra size, no monthly menstration (yay!), dry reddened skin, stuffy nose that easily bleeds, and a forgetful memory. There's more, but my pregnancy brain is preventing me from remembering what all I've experienced.  What I do know is that I'm both excited and scared, knowing I am once again about to give birth. Not only that, but I know what it means. It means I'm going to have another crying infant to take care of, in addition to my four year old daughter. I will be the mother of two kids! But before all that happens, I have to get through the labor, and that's what is currently occupying my mind.  Labor and delivery. This time, however, we have planned to do things differently than the first. I am preparing for a home birth with a midwife instead of a hospital birth with an OB.  It's like night and day.  It's herbal remedies vs medical drugs, it's positive reinforcement vs scare tactics, nature vs intervention. It's everything I believe in. Preparation has had me feeling all kinds of ways, from wondering what on earth I'm getting myself into, to feeling scared and the next moment excited and confident.  So many strong feelings and events have caused me to question myself.  I've been hurt by unsympathetic friends and family who don't support my choices, I've been hurled into the worst fears of pregnancy gone wrong at my ultrasounds, and we've found ourselves spending far more on this birth plan than we originally thought.  Deep down, though, beyond all the bumps and bruises along this journey of pregnancy, I know this is the way women were designed to have babies, and I truly am confident it is something I can achieve.  Because I believe in it.  Baby boy, whatever your name is going to be, I can't wait to meet you!