The End is Near

It's mid June, summer is here and I can't believe I only have a month left of being pregnant. I'm constantly awed whenever I catch glimpses of my growing belly in the mirror.  It's getting bigger all the time, perfectly rounded, tight and smooth.  Inside, a baby wriggles around, jabs my ribs, kicks my bladder and elbows my hand whenever I stroke it over my smooth round belly to feel him. It's my second time being pregnant, and the feeling is both familiar and surprisingly foreign.  Having another living being inside me is quite alien like.  Everything about me is changed because of this little being. My belly is the most obvious change, but so much more is different than even my own husband is aware of, like my hair thickening, my sense of smell heightening, the strong nesting instinct to clean and organize everything, my hormonal balance shifting all over the place causing unusually high emotional turmoil in my daily life, having to pee three times as many times as normal, feeling completely exhausted after doing the smallest physical things, four months of constant first trimester nausea, third trimester shortness of breath, heartburn, back pain, and leg cramps, not being able to see my feet when I walk anymore, feeling like I'm wearing a bowling ball or a watermelon under my shirt, no more lying on my stomach to sleep, Braxton Hicks contractions squeezing the life out of me day and night, food cravings, food aversions, constantly battling the two extremes of feeling starved and feeling stuffed full, swelling breasts out growing my usual bra size, no monthly menstration (yay!), dry reddened skin, stuffy nose that easily bleeds, and a forgetful memory. There's more, but my pregnancy brain is preventing me from remembering what all I've experienced.  What I do know is that I'm both excited and scared, knowing I am once again about to give birth. Not only that, but I know what it means. It means I'm going to have another crying infant to take care of, in addition to my four year old daughter. I will be the mother of two kids! But before all that happens, I have to get through the labor, and that's what is currently occupying my mind.  Labor and delivery. This time, however, we have planned to do things differently than the first. I am preparing for a home birth with a midwife instead of a hospital birth with an OB.  It's like night and day.  It's herbal remedies vs medical drugs, it's positive reinforcement vs scare tactics, nature vs intervention. It's everything I believe in. Preparation has had me feeling all kinds of ways, from wondering what on earth I'm getting myself into, to feeling scared and the next moment excited and confident.  So many strong feelings and events have caused me to question myself.  I've been hurt by unsympathetic friends and family who don't support my choices, I've been hurled into the worst fears of pregnancy gone wrong at my ultrasounds, and we've found ourselves spending far more on this birth plan than we originally thought.  Deep down, though, beyond all the bumps and bruises along this journey of pregnancy, I know this is the way women were designed to have babies, and I truly am confident it is something I can achieve.  Because I believe in it.  Baby boy, whatever your name is going to be, I can't wait to meet you!